The first year of being a new mom is like riding a rollercoaster.
There are so many highs and so many lows.
There are constant quick changes, twists, and turns.
It’s exhilarating and petrifying at the same time.
You wait to ride for so long and then suddenly…
You look back and it’s all a blur.
How did that happen?!
The first year of your baby’s life has already passed.
I Know I am Being Dramatic
Okay fine. Maybe I’m jumping the gun a bit here. My daughter is not a year old yet, she’s actually almost 10-months-old as I write this. But that doesn’t change that fact that I feel like I just had her and in the blink of an eye she’s almost 1 year old!
I guess what’s making me start to reflect on this past year is that fact that Lily has hit so many milestones recently.
Last week I had to store another giant pile of clothes that no longer fit her.
And her two bottom teeth popped through.
And she’s crawling.
And she’s standing on her own.
NOW SHE’S ALMOST WALKING?!
I can’t handle this.
Seeing my beautiful Lily Ray grow up so fast is making me look back on some of the most memorable moments of the past year and a half.
It Feels Like Just Yesterday
When I found out I was pregnant, I was completely shocked ( you can read the whole story here). I didn’t really believe there was a life growing inside of me. I felt completely like myself. No nausea. No cravings. No weird symptoms.
I kept telling my family I didn’t think I was pregnant anymore. That I must have lost the baby and didn’t realize it. I felt too okay. They just laughed at me and thought I was crazy. But I just didn’t believe it. I needed proof.
Even though I got hit with intense crippling nausea at about 6 weeks along, I still needed a doctor to tell me that there was actually a baby growing inside of me and everything was okay.
At 9 weeks along, I had my first doctors appointment. I remember the doctor telling me that the first order of business was to do an internal ultrasound to verify that I was in fact pregnant. I remember thinking, “ Good luck finding something lady. I’m pretty sure my uterus is vacant.” She told me that it was too early to hear a heartbeat, but we would be able to see a fetus and possibly see the heart beating.
I didn’t want to look at the screen or admit to myself how much it would break my heart if she didn’t see anything. It’s not like this was something I wanted or should have even been doing at that point in my life.
Then, I heard the doctor say, “There’s your little gummy bear!”
To which I replied, “ There’s really something in there?!”
I looked over at the screen and it was love at first sight. Suddenly, that little gummy bear shaped blob became the most important thing in my life.
That was the first day it really felt real. I will always remember that day.
I Think It’s Happening
Another day I will always remember is the day my water broke. If you’ve ever been pregnant then you know that those last few weeks just drag on forever. You seriously feel like you will never get to meet your baby and you’ll always be pregnant. So when you actually go into labor, it is such a surreal moment.
I remember I was cleaning the laundry room for probably the tenth time that day. I was yelling at my family for being slobs and messing it up after I had worked so hard to clean it. I was sweeping lint off the floor when all of a sudden I peed my pants.
Okay, so I didn’t really pee. My water broke. I ran to the bathroom to see what was going on and quickly realized that the rush of liquid streaming down my legs meant I was going into labor.
The first thing I did was scream for my mother, because well there’s nothing like having a baby to turn you straight into a baby yourself. There are certain moments in your life where you just need your mommy and this was one of them.
Then, instantly my thoughts started going crazy!
“Oh my gosh I’m having a baby”
“Holy shit I’m scared”
“How is there is there still this much water coming out of me?!”
“It’s just like the movies!”
“Crap this means I have to go to the hospital now and of course I didn’t do my hair or makeup today”
“Shit I need to shave my legs!”
“They don’t mention that part in the movies”
It’s crazy to think about that day nearly a year ago as I sit here with my beautiful almost walker sleeping peacefully next to me. It is such a strange combination of feeling like it was yesterday and feeling like it was another lifetime. I was just this scared young girl about to be a mom for the first time and now I have an almost walker! Time is a funny thing.
The Shoe Debacle
Before Lily was born, I got her two pairs of shoes. Both were Mary Jane style shoes I bought at Old Navy. I couldn’t wait for her to wear them. They were so freaking cute!
Unfortunately, Lily didn’t fit into those 0-3 month shoes until she was around 5 months old. I guess she didn’t inherit my massive feet. (Thank goodness!)
Anyway, by the time she finally fit into the shoes they were just very inconvenient. She didn’t really like them and they would just keep falling off. To be honest, she really didn’t need shoes. She was a baby! Her feet never touched the ground!
So I decided to put the idea of shoes on hold for a while. I told myself it would just be a waste of money and I would get her some nice shoes when she really needed them when she was standing and walking on her own.
I decided right away which shoes I wanted to get her for her first pair of truly needed shoes…
Hello Freshly Picked
If you’re a mom or soon-to-be mom, then you know about Freshly Picked. They’re like the go-to brand for stylish baby shoes, specifically baby and toddler moccasins. I had my eye on some Freshly Picked Moccs long before Lily was born. That is why I chose them for Lily’s first real pair of shoes.
You’re probably wondering why I loved them so much and why I thought they’d be the perfect first pair of shoes. I’m right, huh? Well, let me tell you…
- They are adorable. Let me just get this out of the way straight out of the gate. From their classic moccs, to their loafer style, to their Mary Janes, they are all so cute! I would be lying if I told you that wasn’t the number one reason why I love Freshly Picked. Everyone wants to have the most stylish baby on the block, or at least on Instagram. Am I right?
- Their soft soled shoes are perfect for almost walkers like my own. They allow your baby to feel the ground and balance better. They are also more lightweight than hard soled shoes, so babies have an easier time picking up their feet.
- Freshly Picked moccs are also really stretchy and comfortable. They are strong enough to protect your baby’s feet, but also flexible enough not to hinder their movement or be restrictive.
And I realize that sounds like an ad, but it’s my honest opinion.
A Pair of Shoes Brings it Full Circle
I remember last year for my moms birthday we went to The California Pizza Kitchen for dinner at our local outdoor shopping mall. I was around 4 months pregnant at the time and just starting to get a tiny belly.
As we were waiting to be seated, I remember feeling really self-conscious. I felt like everyone was staring at me. Like did I look pregnant or just fat? Were people judging me? Did they know I wasn’t married? What’s funny is that I am sure not one person even looked at me and I guarantee nobody cared.
My thoughts and fears in that moment were completely irrational. However, it perfectly encompasses how I was feeling at that time. I was still coming to grips with my new reality. I was emotional and exhausted. There were still so many unknowns and I felt incredibly ashamed of my situation.
Just the other day, we went back to that shopping mall to see a movie for my nieces birthday. About ten minutes into it Lily decided she’d had enough. I took her out to the lobby to walk around and luckily she had her Freshly Picked Moccs on.
We walked around the lobby until her little moccs were covered in nasty theater carpet dirt and decided we might as well just go outside.
(Sidenote: The dirt wipes right off)
We walked to a patch of grass across the street from the theater, which also happens to be right next to the California Pizza Kitchen. As I sat there watching my incredibly beautiful baby girl stand in the grass, on the verge of taking her first steps, wearing her sweet little Mary Jane moccs, I just smiled.
I felt bad for that scared girl I used to be a year ago standing in that restaurant. I wish I could’ve shown that girl a picture of this moment in the grass. Because one look at this precious little angel standing here with such sweet wonderment in her eyes and I wouldn’t have cared one bit if the whole world was staring at me.
Those First Steps are Going to be a Doozy
Ahhhh, so many emotions come with each day we inch closer to Lily’s first birthday. And God help me when she takes her first steps. I should probably put a box of tissues in every room of the house just in case.
I know, I know. This is just beginning! There are so many milestones and firsts we have yet to experience. Although that makes me even more emotional, it also makes me happy and excited. I feel so lucky that the universe decided to through me a curveball and bless me with such an incredible little human to share my life with.
Oh and you can bet I am going to put those little moccs in a shadow box and hang them on my wall forever.
It’s funny how much a little pair of shoes can mean.
** I received a complimentary pair of Freshly Picked moccasins before writing this post. However, all views and opinions are 100% my own. I promise!